August 19th, 2017


The mere thought that you don’t deserve happiness and freedom is choosing to be the victim of your choices – rather than learning from and making different choices to rectify your happiness/joy.

I’ve been told the emotional childhood wounding you have is two fold (well, probably multi-faceted), but there is a second fold – beyond what I talked about in the last post (first layer – you need to feel/address the depth of your pain in this life to move to true happiness).

The second layer is that your dad, in his relationship with your mom, through his own action taught you (by example) that a man is to endure a relationship. You always told me you didn’t think your dad was truly happy. And that’s probably why he emphasized with you the importance of being happy without emotionally vocalizing why.

You endured in our relationship for the last few years while I was depressed.

Your dad also has played the hero/matyr role coupled with the enduring without ever getting his own heart needs and wants fully met.

Medical conditions serve both as a physical and spiritual reminder of our health. Your dad’s heart attack was a sign of more than just his physical body. What’s going on with your soul/spirit that’s not being addressed and cared for manifests in a physical form.

I saw that guy again – the one I thought was you weeks ago. This time, he was reading a book in a hammock. He had rode his bike to a park with a hammock, tied it between two trees and laid in it to read a book. Made me think of something you’d do if you were happy and free.

This life for you is about happiness and freedom from the childhood wounding you endured. And then living that happiness and freedom as an adult.


Ask for what you need from Spirit. Ask for help when needed. And be open to receive it and act on it.

Good grief last night was rough. Years ago when clairsentience started for me, I used to long for Friday night football as I knew I’d have a break.

I had forgotten how debilitating depression is. Overwhelming sadness, pervasive dread. Inability to even try to enjoy a beautiful day. I never thought you were capable of it, but here you are. I’m proud of you, in a way, because in the future you’ll be more emotionally aware now that you’ve experienced it yourself.

I am sure that the questions about why you’re not coaching are not fun for you – I have had a lot of clairsentience breathing problems, which I assume are minor panic attacks. Here’s a good way to handle them (yes, I realize this info would have been helpful a week ago):

Player: Hey coach, why aren’t you coaching this year?
You: I’m taking a sabbatical, but I sure do miss it.  (I don’t know WHY you’re not coaching – I’ve only speculated based on clairsentience).
You: How was your summer? How is the team looking?

Player: Hey coach, I miss you coaching this year!
You: I miss it too – but it was time for a sabbatical.
You: How was your summer? How is the team looking?

Player: Hey coach, we missed you last Friday!
You: I missed you guys too – you had quite the comeback second half – what do you think attributed to the come back?

Colleague: I heard you weren’t coaching this year – how come?
You: I don’t have the means this year time wise, but I sure do miss it
You: How was your summer – did you travel anywhere?

In other words – you acknowledge the player’s feelings – and you say you miss it too. Answer their question and follow it up with a question that leaves you alone and gets them talking about themselves.  Offer them a “reason” you’re not coaching, give them an “answer” while keeping it vague and then switch it back on them with an inquiry about their lives.  Most people LOVE to talk about themselves and their experiences.  Chances are you ain’t gonna find many people like me that are going to continue to inquire and dive deeper =).

food for thought

June 16th, 2017

it is important to me, especially after just reading, “many lives, many masters” that i approach everything with love and understanding.  so i wrote what’s below several days ago and then wanted to make sure it was coming from the right place before i published it.

I can’t stop thinking about this – maybe it’s because you’re thinking about it. Or maybe it’s because Spirit is telling me…

The betrayal you left me for.  The betrayal you thought I had done to you…is that the same type of betrayal you have been doing?

I don’t know the answer.  I don’t need to know the answer, but hope you do.

Choices that Can Change Your Life

April 28th, 2017

Saw a photo of you on FB the other day and then randomly happened on this.  Seemed to fit.

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Helpful TED Talks

November 2nd, 2016


How to stop screwing yourself over | Mel Robbins

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Staying stuck or moving forward | Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko – for when you think, “It’s too complicated.”

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Last Wednesday Night

October 23rd, 2016

“And thinking of someone for whom he still burns…” – Cake


Day 126 – New Year’s Eve Farewell

December 31st, 2010
Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose 8/10/10

Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose 8/10/10

Well, a year ago today I was thinking about how I would ever make it to this day and wondered how I would do it through this blog.  I failed.  I thought I would go to yoga 3xa week, but I simply didn’t.  In fact, the last time I went to yoga was 2 weeks ago!

I did go this morning, as I figured I needed to because of this blog.  I also need to for my body, but I am starting to have a slight headache which seems to be synonmous with hot yoga with me right now – so that’s what reminded me actually to write this blog post.

Today, I woke up to hail and lightning and the power going out at 5am.  I always find this quite obnoxious when I am getting up at the butt crack of dawn anyway to go to yoga – really?  do I have to wake up 1 hour before the butt crack of dawn?

Bill parked behind my car (we have a one car garage), so I drove his car which was covered in ice – another annoyance that I had before I even got to yoga.

Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose 8/10/10

Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose 8/10/10

So, of course, I arrived when they were in the middle of the first set of beginning breathing.  Not cool.

Also, there wasn’t really a space for me up front until we went to the floor postures, so I was in the “second” row.  Again, annoyed because I’m near sighted and cannot see myself in the mirror unless I am in the first row – and as I have said before, not being in the first row reminds me of a paperweight my dad has, “If you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes.”  In other words, I don’t like to look at other people’s asses.

Spine Twising Pose

Spine Twising Pose 8/10/10

I’d love to tell you that I am going to miss this blog.  The bottom line is that I am feeling a lot of relief that this isn’t going to hang over my shoulders on a daily basis.  It has for some time and on top of everything else, I simply don’t need it.  Unfortunately this blog represents another failure of mine when it comes to weight loss.  I used to believe that I could acomplish anything I set my mind to, but taking care of my physical body doesn’t seem to be one of those things.

Spine Twising Pose

Spine Twising Pose

Today’s pose is Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose or Janushirasana with Paschimotthanasana.  I look better on 8/10/10 than I did in class today, that’s for sure.

I also decided to throw in the Spine Twisting Pose photos because, well, this is it folks – I didn’t even get another round of photos in.  Pathetic all the way around.  I do wonder if I would have done a better job at this if I was being paid.  Maybe I should sign up for the Biggest Loser and then I would be motivated.

I do appreciate those that have been loyal readers and the ones that have encouraged me throughout the year.  Looking back a year ago, I was really excited for today too because I thought I would have this banging body and be excited about life.  Not the case, my friends. 

I do hope you have a Happy New Year and if the mood so strikes me, I will continue to write on this blog when I have attended class.  Who knows – maybe some day I will have a banging body to “show off” on here.

Day 125 – Two Weeks Left

December 21st, 2010
Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose

Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose 8/10/10

There were 7 people in yoga yesterday morning including moi. Barbara was the teacher although I’m not really sure if that’s her name or if it’s Beth, as someone called her the other day. There’s a board in the reception area that has all the instructors and TAs on it – so I could definitely look at that, but do I?  No, of course, not.  Forget every time.

There wasn’t much to class yesterday – I was swore and again hating myself for taking a week off.  And again telling myself over and over again to just make it a habit. 

I have to say that I have had a love/hate relationship with this blog.  I am currently in the “hate” mode of it all because I hate that I made this commitment because I feel obligated when I don’t have time to be obligated to sit and write a post about it.  I have tried to change my attitude, but it isn’t working – so right now I am looking very forward to the end of my year with this blog.  I don’t even think I will update photos because there hasn’t been a lot of progress and the whole photo taking process is about 3 hours when you consider taking of the photos, the downloading and the uploading.  It’s a total PIA – I know it makes for a more interesting blog.

I really had high hopes for this blog – I wanted it to be great and even make a movie out of it like the whole Julie and Julia thing.  I thought I would have slimmed down and gained a better perspective on life.  I haven’t done either.  I suppose it’s years of practice that gets you there – but of course, I wanted it to happen in this year so that I could become addicted to it forever.

I plan on going tomorrow.  That could change between now and then.


Day 124 – Gorgeous Sunrise

December 14th, 2010
Janushirasana or Head to Knee pose 8-10-10

Janushirasana or Head to Knee pose 8-10-10

The yoga room is on the north side of the street and there are windows that face to the west. So I’m not entirely sure why I can always see the sunrise in the 6:20am classes but maybe it’s facing more east than I think.

There were only 3 people in class yesterday which made it a great day. And so we were doing our floor postures and I think we were on camel and I just blurted out, “sorry to interrupt but the sunrise is spectacular!”. It was well rec’d and the teacher replied by saying, “I was just about to mention that as well!”

The crazy thing about seeing the sunrise in the room is that I’ve also seen the sunset so sometimes when I’m in the yoga daze, if you will, I have to remind myself that it’s morning and not evening.

Janushirasana or Head to Knee pose 8-10-10

Janushirasana or Head to Knee pose 8-10-10

Today’s pose is Janushirasana or Head to Knee pose. I’m still tight on my right hand side because of the pulled hamstring from the beginning of the year but I’m enjoying the stretch.

After class, allof the students and the teacher were standing in the lobby and the teacher mentioned how fun it was to have a small class because the energy and synchronicity were on track. So of course I mention the fact that on Friday someone came into class 10 minutes late and did their own routine. And another student goes, “oh my god, that chick was so annoying! She was right in front of me and it totally threw me off!”. So the teacher said she would tell the owner because Aaron (friday’s teacher) isn’t supposed to allow that. Great I feel like a tattle tale.


Day 123 – Fellow Yogi Consideration

December 10th, 2010
Rabbit pose or Sasangasana

Rabbit pose or Sasangasana 8/10/10

I honestly considered skipping today. I’m not sure I can say that I’m glad I went. My stomach has been bothering me this week and I first thought it was cramps but now I think there’s something upsetting my stomach.

There were 6 people in class this morning. And about 10 minutes – 10 minutes!!! – into class another person came in. This individual has been in other classes with me and it was a Tuesday class.

Lisa teaches Tuesdays and she doesn’t tolerate it when people aren’t paying attention and getting in and out of postures about the same time. And rightfully so because the synchronicity helps me for sure.

Rabbit Pose 8/10/10

Rabbit Pose 8/10/10

Well today’s instructor was Aaron and Aaron does the Bikram yoga poses with you so he isn’t aware of the things people are doing around the room.

The late girl apparently thinks that she can do any postures and any moves she wants. It was so distracting until she finally just laid down until the final breathing. Totally bizarre.

Today’s posture is Rabbit pose or Sasangasana. Rabbit isn’t my friend these days. I definitely feel the stretch but I find myself freaking out in this posture again. I freak out because all I can do is breathe in my boobs.

Have a great weekend.


Day 122 – Lucked Out

December 9th, 2010
Camel Pose or Ustrasana

Camel Pose or Ustrasana 8/10/10

There are some days when you just luck out by who you set your mat down next to and yesterday was one of those days because I set my mat down next to a lady that was not only good at yoga but focused and balanced which brought me a greater strength in class. I wanted to thank her after class but thought it’d be weird so I didn’t.

Today’s posture is Camel Pose or Ustrasana. My 4 week break in the last 8 weeks has definitely not helped me in camel. Toxins that had escaped my liver during regular practice have returned and consequently I’m enjoying the “I’m about the vomit” feeling that beginners to Bikram yoga poses tend to experience.

Camel Pose or Ustrasana

Camel Pose or Ustrasana 8/10/10

Other than that class went well and I’m definitely sore from being gone – it’s sorta nice to be sore though. Reminds me that I’ve got work to do.

I’ll be going tomorrow as well and hopefully I’ll actually post on the day I went.